Canterbury Tales,
or: A walk on the wild side
by Henrik Eger
Synopsis
American graduate student Henry (“Hank”) Hudson while studying the erotic aspects of Chaucer’s Canterbury Tales at the University of Kent at Canterbury, UK, experiences life in the dorm that’s too distracting for his serious studies. He is offered to live in the house of the Rev. Wilberforce and his wife, in return for looking after their little daughter while the parents are at work.
Hank experiences more than he had bargained for and is never quite sure whether he should laugh or cry. He slowly begins to realize that the Canterbury Tales are alive and kicking in Canterbury.
Hank experiences more than he had bargained for and is never quite sure whether he should laugh or cry. He slowly begins to realize that the Canterbury Tales are alive and kicking in Canterbury.
Characters
Henry (“Hank”) Hudson, 25, lively, dedicated American graduate student from Boston who is working on his Master’s degree in English literature at the University of Kent at Canterbury, studying the erotic aspect of Chaucer’s Canterbury Tales, living first in the student dorm, then in the home of the Rev. William Wilberforce and his wife Molly Wilberforce.
Rev. William Wilberforce, 50, upper class military chaplain whose work takes him all over Britain and overseas, religious, but deeply concerned about his wife who, while physically attractive and charming, makes him doubt her values and integrity.
Molly Wilberforce, 35, attractive, tall, blond, always well dressed, either in single colored outfits, clearly a member of the upper class, or, in the evenings and at weekends, in tight, white lounge suits. Insecure, suspicious of everything and everybody, making people feel guilty without knowing why. She sees herself as a rebellious woman, even though she talks like a modern lady-in-waiting at Buckingham Palace, with great contempt for anyone whom she considers “vulgar and middle class.” Working class people are so much beyond her contempt that she does not even talk about them, ever.
Lady Mary, 70, elderly widow of Sir Gerald, a retired Navy admiral. Terribly prim, proper, and pretentious.
Alexandros, 40, tall, hunky, Greek womanizer, graduate, chemistry major at the University of Kent at Canterbury, with a no nonsense approach to life.
Annie Miller, 51, Molly’s working class mother from the East End in London, aging barmaid, always garishly dressed, chain smoking, and honest to a fault, now living in Canterbury.
Rev. William Wilberforce, 50, upper class military chaplain whose work takes him all over Britain and overseas, religious, but deeply concerned about his wife who, while physically attractive and charming, makes him doubt her values and integrity.
Molly Wilberforce, 35, attractive, tall, blond, always well dressed, either in single colored outfits, clearly a member of the upper class, or, in the evenings and at weekends, in tight, white lounge suits. Insecure, suspicious of everything and everybody, making people feel guilty without knowing why. She sees herself as a rebellious woman, even though she talks like a modern lady-in-waiting at Buckingham Palace, with great contempt for anyone whom she considers “vulgar and middle class.” Working class people are so much beyond her contempt that she does not even talk about them, ever.
Lady Mary, 70, elderly widow of Sir Gerald, a retired Navy admiral. Terribly prim, proper, and pretentious.
Alexandros, 40, tall, hunky, Greek womanizer, graduate, chemistry major at the University of Kent at Canterbury, with a no nonsense approach to life.
Annie Miller, 51, Molly’s working class mother from the East End in London, aging barmaid, always garishly dressed, chain smoking, and honest to a fault, now living in Canterbury.
Excerpt
ACT I SCENE 4
(Empty entrance hall, Wilberforce residence. Rhythmic moaning and loud love making noise from above, enhanced by the banging of the bed upstairs.)
HANK
(His agitated voice from his study on the second floor, where he sees the Rev. Wilberforce walking toward the house unexpectedly.)
Molly, quick, your husband is coming.
MOLLY
(Muffled sound.)
Oh my God, oh my God.
HANK
(Highly agitated.)
Hurry up, I’ll try to slow him down.
ALEXANDROS
Husband? Husband? What the fuck?
HANK
(Racing down from his study and greeting Rev. Wilberforce.)
Hi, Rev. Good seeing you.
REV. WILBERFORCE
Good seeing you, too.
(He’s in a hurry and wants to go upstairs to the bathroom. Desperate, Hank tries to stop him because the bathroom sits right next to their bedroom which, right now, is being occupied by Alexandros and Molly.)
HANK
(With great urgency and sincerity.)
Rev., I need to talk to you.
REV. WILBERFORCE
Absolutely, but right now I urgently have to go upstairs.
(Slightly embarrassed.)
Even ministers have to go to the loo.
HANK
(With even more urgency, almost fearful.)
Rev., it’s so serious, it can’t wait.
REV. WILBERFORCE
Henry, give me two minutes and you can talk about your problem.
HANK
(Trying to block him from going upstairs, then seeing Molly arrive on the landing, looking flushed and disheveled, desperately trying to realign the buttons on her blouse, trying to look as if nothing had happened.)
Molly, good news, the Rev. has arrived.
MOLLY
(Embarrassed but pretending as if nothing had happened.)
Hello darling, what a surprise. I didn’t think . . .
REV. WILBERFORCE
(Trying to rush up the stairs to go to the bathroom, with Hank blocking him.)
. . . that I would come today and not tomorrow? I brought you a nice surprise.
MOLLY
(Sheepishly.)
I like surprises. I may have a surprise for you, too.
ALEXANDROS
(Disheveled, arrives at the top of the landing, his shirt unbuttoned, showing his hairy chest, desperately trying to zip up, but the zipper isn’t cooperating.)
HANK
(Trying to save the situation, with an artificial voice.)
Rev., meet Alexandros. He’s from Greece. Nice guy.
REV. WILBERFORCE
(Calm and collected, an English gentlemen through and through, pretending that he didn’t see his wife’s blouse and the Greek’s zipper, he stretches out his hand.)
How do you do?
ALEXANDROS
(Finally letting go of his futile attempt to zip up, shaking hands with the husband, and, with his strong Greek accent, tries to play along.)
How do you do?
MOLLY
Shall we all have tea?
ALEXANDROS
That’s nice, Mrs. Wilberforce, but I have to get back to the university right away.
REV. WILBERFORCE
Are you sure?
(Alexandros leaves. Rev. Wilberforce rushes up the stairs.)
MOLLY
(Shouting from the kitchen.)
Darling, I’ll make you a nice cup of tea. I am so glad you are back home. I missed you. (beat) Really.
HANK
(Turning to the audience, rolling his eyes and imitating Saturday Night Live.)
“Live from Canterbury: The Canterbury Tales.” I wouldn’t have believed it, but that’s exactly how it went. Chaucer would’ve loved it.
(Lights out. Music.)
(Empty entrance hall, Wilberforce residence. Rhythmic moaning and loud love making noise from above, enhanced by the banging of the bed upstairs.)
HANK
(His agitated voice from his study on the second floor, where he sees the Rev. Wilberforce walking toward the house unexpectedly.)
Molly, quick, your husband is coming.
MOLLY
(Muffled sound.)
Oh my God, oh my God.
HANK
(Highly agitated.)
Hurry up, I’ll try to slow him down.
ALEXANDROS
Husband? Husband? What the fuck?
HANK
(Racing down from his study and greeting Rev. Wilberforce.)
Hi, Rev. Good seeing you.
REV. WILBERFORCE
Good seeing you, too.
(He’s in a hurry and wants to go upstairs to the bathroom. Desperate, Hank tries to stop him because the bathroom sits right next to their bedroom which, right now, is being occupied by Alexandros and Molly.)
HANK
(With great urgency and sincerity.)
Rev., I need to talk to you.
REV. WILBERFORCE
Absolutely, but right now I urgently have to go upstairs.
(Slightly embarrassed.)
Even ministers have to go to the loo.
HANK
(With even more urgency, almost fearful.)
Rev., it’s so serious, it can’t wait.
REV. WILBERFORCE
Henry, give me two minutes and you can talk about your problem.
HANK
(Trying to block him from going upstairs, then seeing Molly arrive on the landing, looking flushed and disheveled, desperately trying to realign the buttons on her blouse, trying to look as if nothing had happened.)
Molly, good news, the Rev. has arrived.
MOLLY
(Embarrassed but pretending as if nothing had happened.)
Hello darling, what a surprise. I didn’t think . . .
REV. WILBERFORCE
(Trying to rush up the stairs to go to the bathroom, with Hank blocking him.)
. . . that I would come today and not tomorrow? I brought you a nice surprise.
MOLLY
(Sheepishly.)
I like surprises. I may have a surprise for you, too.
ALEXANDROS
(Disheveled, arrives at the top of the landing, his shirt unbuttoned, showing his hairy chest, desperately trying to zip up, but the zipper isn’t cooperating.)
HANK
(Trying to save the situation, with an artificial voice.)
Rev., meet Alexandros. He’s from Greece. Nice guy.
REV. WILBERFORCE
(Calm and collected, an English gentlemen through and through, pretending that he didn’t see his wife’s blouse and the Greek’s zipper, he stretches out his hand.)
How do you do?
ALEXANDROS
(Finally letting go of his futile attempt to zip up, shaking hands with the husband, and, with his strong Greek accent, tries to play along.)
How do you do?
MOLLY
Shall we all have tea?
ALEXANDROS
That’s nice, Mrs. Wilberforce, but I have to get back to the university right away.
REV. WILBERFORCE
Are you sure?
(Alexandros leaves. Rev. Wilberforce rushes up the stairs.)
MOLLY
(Shouting from the kitchen.)
Darling, I’ll make you a nice cup of tea. I am so glad you are back home. I missed you. (beat) Really.
HANK
(Turning to the audience, rolling his eyes and imitating Saturday Night Live.)
“Live from Canterbury: The Canterbury Tales.” I wouldn’t have believed it, but that’s exactly how it went. Chaucer would’ve loved it.
(Lights out. Music.)
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